 I think we all have a season that suits us best. Some feel content with the moderate fall, some happily enveloped by the winter darkness, others cheerful as spring arrives. I always feel my best as these summer days stretch their arms wide. No matter how sunny or overcast, the day light feeds me.
That said, I'm off on a brief stint to the East Coast for family time and to celebrate the union of a wonderful couple. While my trip will be pretty short, I'm going to be taking a vacation from most of the cyberworld for a bit longer. I want to soak in as much of these days as possible. For those staying local and looking to try something new and/or stimulating-in-a-different-way, I leave you with five varying Wellness happenings that won't stretch your wallet:
Enjoy your summer and I'll see you real soon! Yours in wellness, self-care, and compassion, Shana Averbach, LMFT 919 Irving Street, Suite 104 San Francisco, CA 94122 Tel/Fax 415.963.3546 www.shanaaverbach.com PS Here's a new bonus option: July 29, August 26, 7:30 - 9 PM Self-Compassion Circle, Monthly Meditation Group, SUGGESTED DONATION $10, 2650 Fulton Street, San Francisco, CA. At this monthly meditation group, you'll sit in a safe, nurturing space with like-minded people who want to awaken and cultivate self-compassion. After a period of meditating in silence together, there will be a talk on self-compassion, followed by questions and group discussion.  A good night's sleep is one of the best avenues to improve overall health: Quality sleep leads to clear thinking (and less accidents!), weight management, better mood, and - important from the psychological perspective - the ability to process information, thoughts, and experiences.
It's not hard to see how those direct health benefits could then positively affect self-esteem and relationships as well. While the sleep research is straight forward, the experience of having difficulty sleeping on an ongoing basis is even more clear: IT. FEELS. AWFUL. It is simply harder to go about your day when you are sleep deprived. A friend who's in the field of 0-5 mental health, working largely with new moms recently pointed out, "Sleep deprivation is a form of torture." Well said. As a recovering insomniac myself and a person who has helped numerous people find better relationships with sleep, I feel confident about the ability to change patterns - even those that have been with you for a while. Below is a recipe with items that you can truly mix and match to increase your chance of accessing quality sleep and reaping its benefits. Ingredients:
Recipe During the day: Incorporate exercise into your daily routine or at least a few times per week. Add acupuncture or acupressure once a week specifically targeting this symptom (I'm a fan of Circle Community Acupuncture, but there are tons of others as well). Experiment with reducing or eliminating caffeine, as it's a stimulant. Alcohol and other drug use can impact sleep as well. In the evening: Drink a calming tea a couple hours before you are wanting to go to bed (not too close to bed time, because waking up to pee isn't exactly relaxing). Instead of watching tv or being online, both activities that expose you to flashing lights and other stimulating material, incorporate a calming activity, one that sends the message to your body that it is okay to relax. Draw yourself a hot bath and soak for as long as it's comfortable. At bed time: Make sure your sleeping space is free of clutter and light. Your brain needs darkness to really get the message that it's time for sleeping. Make sure that you are warm enough, adding blankets if necessary. Troubleshooting: If thoughts come up, tell yourself you can think them tomorrow. Write them down in your journal if you'd like. Try a progressive muscle relaxation recording or do it yourself by mentally scanning your body, slowly, from your toes to the crown of your head, scrunching your respective muscle groups then relaxing them and thinking "relax." If none of this draws you into sleep, go to another area away from your bed for a while. You don't want to associate your bed with a losing battle. As you experiment with different ingredients track your sleep patterns in your journal to see what is and is not working for you. If sleep continues to be an struggle, especially one involving repetitive thoughts, it might be time to start counseling to address the rumination and worries. Remember, just because you have "gotten used to" getting by with minimal sleep does not mean it's helping you function as your best self! * These items directly stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system (your body's relaxation machine) to kick in.  I was once at work on one of those sweltering hot days for which San Francisco buildings are simply unequipped. We were all working in a sort of whiny slow-motion. Then our CEO went to the store and came back with ice-cream treats for the entire staff.
I carefully picked a Ben & Jerry's bar from the bag and ate it across from my supervisor and her ice cream sandwich. Our demonstrative enthusiasm quickly faded into that quiet contentedness unique to the act of eating ice cream. It was awesome. A few days later, on an equally hot day, in an equally ill-eqipped setting, I was at a work site in which the adolescent program participants and adults alike were disengaged. Energy was low, folks weren't doing what was expected of them, and a handful of participants left early. I was frustrated with the system as a whole and went to my office to take a breather. Outside my window sat the remaining participants, still on-site and adhering to expectations despite the heat and rampant checked-outedness surrounding them. Before I knew it I was three blocks away buying out the corner store of Choco tacos, Push-Pops, and Nestle Drumsticks. I came back to distribute the treats, watched faces light up, and then relished again in that familiar frozen treat silence. Now, this isn't the kind of thing I do all the time, but in this situation I was able to access an idea readily because I had the felt experience of being the recipient of the action. This happens all the time, likely on an unconscious level. Think of that person walking down the street smiling at you and seemingly the whole world. Sometimes that smile is infectious and you end up putting out the same energy (I know, I know, sometimes if you're in a certain mood, you wonder what the eff that person is so happy about. That's okay too). Sometimes, we receive a piece of advice and have the opportunity to pass it along to another person. Other times a person waits an extra 15 seconds to hold a door open for you and in an instant you remember to wait a bit longer for the next person. So in its most simple form this tool is a question to ask yourself: How can I pay it forward, whatever "it" may be? (perhaps you can pull from its cousin tool, Perform A Random Act of Kindness, the slight difference being that you hold it in your mind as something you do that the recipient might be able to do for someone else and this is what you suggest if they attempt to repay you) In addition, here is a website dedicated to an entire Pay It Forward Global Movement. And what do you know? There's an app for that. Just the thought of readers spending an extra 10 seconds paying something forward is pleasant and warming. And if you literal-minded folk end up buying someone some ice cream, well, I can think of gestures far, far worse.  Moodiness, like many things, can range from feeling normal to totally out of control (I think I hear a lot of "amens" in the distance). Whether it's due to seasons, hormones, life circumstances, or anything else, when it feels like our moods are in the driver's seat, as opposed to our core selves, we tend to not feel as centered or in control.
Senti is a new app that asks you questions that track your mood and then displays the results in graph form. The process has you reflecting on your experience and the resulting content is a simple visual image of your patterns. If you don't want to use the app, you can do a mood-tracking experiment on paper. Identify one to two (fixed) times per day to jot down how you feel, on a scale or 0 to 5, with 0 being "as bad as it gets" and 5 being "couldn't be better." You can add brief details about what you are doing or thinking about at the time you are rating yourself, but keep it simple. Regardless of the medium, I think there is a great deal of power in identifying your patterns, as the next step might be finding strategies to alter your (predictably) lower times and/or bolster the high ones. See what you find out!  Have you ever noticed that the tone in your voice of reason changes when talking to yourself, that gentleness and patience kind of hide out while harshness and “Should” statements take over? Or perhaps you neglect your needs altogether, but expect others to tend to theirs, and maybe you even help them? This is one of the most common patterns I have seen over time and I am certainly guilty of it myself.
Today's tool carves out one area on which to focus intention, and gets you there by pretending you are advising someone else. Think of an obstacle or area of “stuckness” that has been present for you lately, anything from eating junk food to staying in a toxic friendship to hating your job. Now, think about whether you have ever given advice to someone in this same situation on how to cope or move forward. If you haven't, imagine that someone you care about is having the same struggle. What have you told someone else, or what would you tell someone facing this challenge? What energy would you send his or her way while giving your input? Would it be kind and in a voice of compassion? Now take your own advice and invite the same tone. As the “yeah buts...” and the “it's different becauses...” come up, put them aside until next week. For those of us who operate better with a concrete template, here it is: I, Shana Averbach, do solemnly swear to follow my own advice in the area of exercising every day this week and doing one thing at a time. I will do so because I believe it will make me feel more relaxed and focused. This may be challenging, but it'll be great to see what shifts as you try! This is one of the most simple sounding exercises that I have ever experimented with, and tracked others' experiences with, and also one of the most profound.
We live in a very multitask-oriented world and many of us erroneously believe that multitasking is the best way to get things done. I won't get into how this is just not true, but check out this NPR episode on The Myth of Multitasking. I know that personally, I frequently fall into the multitasking trap, and it leaves me feeling dizzy and a having a sense of things semi-completed. The tool, another goody introduced to me by Judith Lasater, is as it sounds, but I would recommend placing a time frame around it in order to track how it goes. Choose an hour, a day, or go all out and say a week, and try to do one thing at a time, particularly when other human beings are involved. What do I mean by this? If you are typing something and someone wants to talk to you, either finish what you are doing and attend to the person, or put the work aside, have your conversation, and then pick up where you left off. (A counter example would be trying to chat while staring at a screen, which we're all prone to doing). If you are hanging out with a friend, save your text conversations for when you are done hanging out, as well as your email-checking, facebooking, and so forth. Even when you are alone, if you are doing a chore and remember something else you have to do, finish doing your chore and move on to the next thing (if you think you'll forget, have a pen and paper handy to write a quick reminder). Try this on and see how this feels. How does it affect your interactions, your connectedness? Your sense of accomplishment and groundedness? If it feels good, wear it more often.  New Location: 919 Irving Street, Suite 104 I'm excited to announce that I am expanding my practice hours and accepting new clients. I have a new office in the Bay Natural Medicine suite at 919 Irving Street (between 10th and 11th Avenues)! It is a small, light-filled, serene space with the healing energy of massage, acupuncture, and naturopathic medicine flowing through.
If you or someone you know have been struggling with difficult emotions, life experiences, and relationships...if you feel stuck, anxious, sad, or unbalanced more often than you would like to...if you struggle with critical or negative thoughts that are so familiar they feel normal, therapy can help. But here's the thing: The only way to start is to start. Making that initial phone call or email contact can be hard, but taking that first step does two things: One, it brings you closer to addressing your needs. Two, it sends the message that your needs deserve to be met in the first place. This is huge. I continue to be inspired by those who allow me to be part of their exploration, even when it gets difficult, and who are willing to try on different thoughts, beliefs, and tools. Speaking of which, thanks for your feedback on the various Wellness Tools and other blogs posts I've been writing. I find that observations and insights are most meaningful when put to use, and it's a real joy when people describe the ways they've been applying them to their lives and sharing them with others (post on paying things forward, coming soon). Please let me know if there are any subjects you are particularly interested in, questions about anything you've read, or suggestions for how to make whole person health resources more accessible (comment below or shoot me an email). Yours in wellness, self-care, and compassion, Shana Averbach, LMFT 919 Irving Street, Suite 104 San Francisco, CA 94122 Tel/Fax 415.963.3546 www.shanaaverbach.com PS I can't help but sneak in a link to my most recent favorite online yoga video that aligns nicely with the subject of moving and expanding. It's very gentle, good for the end of the day...  This is a cooking exercise that's good for the person who's been running from one thing to the next, or who's been lost in repetitive thoughts. It's a great way to slow down and truly get in your senses, without taking up a lot of time.
Bonus: You get to eat afterwards! I'm recommending this pesto recipe because it takes 5 minutes and I find the scent of basil alone comforting, never mind the stimulating smell of fresh garlic. If pesto isn't your thing, think of a simple alternative. Just make sure it involves at least one aromatic ingredient that you can really inhale. Here is the above recipe (to be enjoyed on steamed vegetables, pasta, as a spread, etc.) along with mindful modifications:
 The other morning I went out for a walk and had to pass by my car that was parked on the street. In the distance I saw a piece of paper on my windshield and instantly braced myself for irritation.
My brain trotted ahead of me to ask all the pertinent questions: A ticket? A note saying sorry I ran into your car? A thoughtless gift of trash from a drunk passer-by? I approached the car and removed a faded newspaper from under the windshield. Scribbled across the front in green marker read, "Hi Shana and David. Love, Brad." A smile spread across my face, my body felt lighter. I held in my hand a dirty piece of proof that a friend took a moment out of his day to infuse a little kindness into mine. I carried that sentiment into the rest of my day. There are infinite ways to do this both with strangers and those you know, and the impacts can be great. This article from The Greater Good Science Center reveals a study in which recalling a kind or generous act led to increased happiness, and increased happiness led to more generosity. If I were to end this tool right here (offer a "take home message" as it were), I would say to never underestimate the power of a kind gesture. But I will go on to offer a few suggestions (and a link to about 300 more)... Simple starters might include feeding someone's meter that's running out or paying someone a compliment. If you have several bucks to spare consider paying the bridge toll for the car behind you (but make sure you're in the cash lane) or buy that Street Sheet from the vendor you might typically pass by. If you have several hours to spare and/or you aren't into random acts of things, but instead prefer to plan sign up for some volunteer work. One Brick, Volunteer Match, and The Volunteer Center are all easy places to start Keeping in mind the intention of committing kindness, see what just comes to you. But if you run out of ideas, here's a website dedicated exclusively to them...  So I'm not crazy about soapboxes (I prefer the eye-to-eye view), but I get very adamant about the importance of incorporating exercise or movement into our daily lives.
I want to be clear that I am not what you would consider athletic. When I played kick-ball in elementary school I always chose the deep outfield to stand so I could talk with my friends about important life stuff (like Vanilla Ice and the future). I took gymnastics for most of those years, but when I tapped out of the young fearlessness and monkey-like tendencies that drew me in to begin with, I again was more into the gabbing portion of the class. But after years of cultivating awareness about what makes me register on the scale of Okay - Awesome, as well as years of sitting with clients who are aiming for the same, I have come to the absolute conclusion that adding exercise to your life is one of the most predictable ways to feel at least a bit better, if not enormously so. Feeling quite comfortable with my qualitative evidence, I'm not going to go into the research that says exercise might work better than anti-depressants and have better long-term effects on mild to moderate depression while concurrently providing other health benefits (but here is a Harvard newsletter publication that will). Instead I'm going to give you some ways to get started that will run you from $0 - $20. So here we go.* If you're curious about your local gym, but don't want to commit or aren't a fan of the membership prices...Check out their free passes. Crunch does a 1-day, Fitness SF has a 3-day, Bally and Gold's have a 7-day, and 24 Hour Fitness has up to a 14-day-pass. UCSF's gym is doing an open house week, where their facility is free from 5/6 - 5/14! That's over a month's worth of free gym time right there, more than enough time to figure out what you like, dislike, want, and need. Bonus tip: If you are wanting to practice your assertiveness skills, this may be a good time. Gym employees can get pushy about getting you to join, so know what you are willing to commit to or spend on a more ongoing basis. There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying "I'll think about it and get back to you." If you already know the gym isn't your thing and you are more interested in pursuing something like yoga...Employ the same strategy as above with local yoga studios (I have low- and no-cost options listed on my resource page). When I fell for yoga I had just graduated from school and was unemployed; Therefore paying a lot for classes wasn't an option for me. So I seriously dated around San Francisco yoga studios, taking advantage of intro offers and eventually landed where I felt comfortable. You won't know until you check 'em out. If you don't want to exercise outside of the comfort of your home (or room)...Order workout videos from Netflix (1-month free membership, then starting at $7.99/month), hop on YouTube (here's a list of 30 workout channels someone compiled. I can't vouch for them but it may be easier than sifting through thousands.). DoYogaWithMe.com offers truly free streaming yoga without asking you to sign up for anything. Bonus tip/disclaimer: **BE REASONABLE. If you are a beginner, don't attempt crazy workout stunts that involve heavy weights and body contortions. If you are only willing to try one thing...Add walking to your daily or weekly routine. If you are seriously forcing yourself to do this, start flat. Wander your neighborhood or stroll through the park. When you are ready to push yourself a little bit more, try to incorporate an incline. Get your heart beating a bit faster. If there's no way you're going to add exercise on your own...Do all of the above with a friend with whom you feel comfortable. All these endeavors can go from feeling a little daunting to feeling like an adventure (or at least a laugh) when done with a partner-in-crime. * You should consult with a healthcare professional before starting an exercise program. ** Seriously though, use good judgment. |
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